Dear Dr. Darcy:
My personal child is twenty years old and merely sat me personally and my husband down to tell us she’s homosexual. We’re a really close spiritual family members which will never be recognized by either of my girl’s grand-parents or by the area. We don’t have any such thing against homosexual individuals. As a matter of fact certainly my personal nearest pals from university is actually gay, but i suppose its different if it is a son or daughter which is gay. Understanding your own information? Is there a type of treatment that will help the lady should this be merely a phase? She’s been these a girl. I don’t understand why she’d do this to you.
I’m very sorry that partner and you are clearly having a tough time because of this. It is not astonishing that you are perhaps not organizing the daughter a coming-out celebration, though I wish it happened to be a more common response to the parent/child coming-out conversation. Nevertheless, centered on everything said, it may sound like you’re anticipating mass rejection from the extended family members and from your own society, and also the critical portion let me reveal to be genuine: it is not merely the child just who may deal with rejectionâit’s your husband and also you.
The thought of experiencing rejection or discrimination along with your child must be horrifying to consider. No matter, moms and dads cannot get a handle on kids plus girl really has not altered except in her affirmation of homosexuality, making any getting rejected that she might experience unfair and discriminatory. But I want to point out that as extravagant since this may seem, your own girl’s alternatives, character, successes and disappointments aren’t all traceable to the woman parents, which means, she’s not doing this for you. This woman is pinpointing as homosexual for her own reasons.
My knowledge about moms and dads searching for transformation treatment with their young ones, aka, reorientation therapy, would be that it is often ineffective, to place it averagely. I believe your efforts could well be better invested acquiring parental assistance rather than “curing” the woman homosexuality. This is of a “phase” is a time-limited duration of change or development. If that is exactly what this is certainly, then let it happen. If you attempt to manage the length, it could become some thing a lot more complex. See pflag.org that will help you orient to the woman direction.
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E-mail questions to dr.darcysmith@gmail.com or call 212-604-0144
Dr. Darcy Smith was given her Masters amount from Columbia college along with her Ph.D. from New York University. She’s already been a practicing personal employee for more than decade and is also in personal exercise in both new york and New Jersey.
*This column isn’t an appointment with a mental health pro and really should certainly not be construed as such or instead for these types of assessment. You aren’t problems or concerns should seek guidance of her own therapist or counselor.